It’s been a little “heavy” around here for the last couple of days, so I thought I’d lighten things up a bit.
Sometime last year, the Geek and I were discussing all the random things we’ve said since becoming parents that we NEVER thought we would say. Not so much things like “1…2…don’t make me get to 3!” but more like “don’t stick your finger in the cat’s butt!” Really, what normal single person thinks THAT phrase is ever going to come out of their mouth??
So I started writing down some of the more absurd things we’ve said in the last year, and today, I’m sharing the hilarity with you!
THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY (AS A PARENT)
- Don’t lick your brother.
- Don’t eat the kitty litter.
- That was a good poop!
- Stop spraying the cat with vinegar!
- Now that’s a good use for the chopstick – practice screwing!! (using the chopstick as a screwdriver)
- You can write on the paper or on yourself, but not the furniture!
- Don’t write on the potatos!
- Stand on the chair, not the table!
- Don’t drip your Popsicle in the lamp socket! And DON’T lick it out!!
- Hang on and let me get that booger out of your nose.
- Don’t eat the sword!
- Stop putting things up your nose!
- Don’t stick your finger in the cat’s butt!
- The bath tub is NOT a swimming pool! Don’t jump in off the side!
And here are some FPIES/Food Allergy Related Sayings that made me shake my head:
- Do you want some ice cream? (at breakfast – my Banana Ice Cream)
- No, you can’t have Daddy’s carrots. Eat your potato chips.
- No, you can’t have your vitamin. It will make you sick. (Has fructose in it)
- No, we can’t read right now. We have to wait until your brother is down for his nap. Otherwise, he’ll eat the book and get sick.
- Honey, there’s a diaper on the changing table. Go smell it.
- Did you get my email? I sent you a picture of Mr. Happy’s poop.
Then, of course, there are the things we never thought we would DO. I never thought I would:
- Take pictures of my kiddos poop.
- Take pictures of my kiddos butts (to document blistering diaper rashes).
- Physically dig through a poopy diaper to see ‘what’s in there’.
- Drive poopy diapers 30 miles to the doctors office to test them.
- Walk around all day with spit up on my shirt and not even notice.
- Walk around all day with spit up IN MY HAIR and not even notice.
- Debate between bathing or taking a nap.
- Watch one of my favorite movies and think “Well, that’s highly inappropriate.”
And the classic: I always SWORE I would NEVER, EVER EVER lick my finger and wipe my kids faces with it.
Mr. Charm was less than 1 day old when I did it the first time.
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What are some of the things you’ve said and done as a parent that you never thought you would?
