Summers Stories: Running on Fumes

After last weeks stomach bug, things settled down somewhat on the kiddo front. Both boys bounced back fairly quickly, though none of our tummies were at 100% by the end of the week.

Still, no more vomiting or diarrhea, so it’s a step in the right direction.

We didn’t have any choice but to begin a re-trial of goat milk, though. Our second regular supplier of goat milk called with another gallon available for us, and since we KNOW Zac has been safe on her milk before all the tummy troubles started, we had to give it another shot. He used up about half the breastmilk stash I had stockpiled in the freezer the last time I went to work. We didn’t have enough to get through another work trip.

So far, so good. He asks for milk to drink, and hasn’t shown any problem signs. He’ll continue to receive the “safe” goat milk until we run out, and then we’ll begin trialing the new goat milk (in the Crystal Geyser bottles, not the plastic jugs she provides) to see if he continues to do well with that.

God willing, he does fine.

Beef and art supplies are still off the table for now, though. Even though he’s doing okay, we’re giving him a good long stretch before we will be ready to move on. We need to be 100% sure before trying anything else.

Meanwhile, Zac is doing beautifully in speech therapy; so good, in fact, that our previous order of “don’t push him to talk at home so we don’t stress him out” has been rescinded! Now we are to be just as demanding as Miss K. It’s time for the family to start “outstubborning the mule“.

That’s going to take some getting used to; we’ve spent the last 8 months tip-toeing around his speech limitations. However, in one week we’ve managed to get him to say “ba na” for banana when he wants one, which is the first real word he’s used to specify which food he wants. Score!

Jed is doing well. He loves going to martial arts, and is getting downright good at following directions (for the most part).

I made some conversation heart candies for him for Valentine’s Day, and some raspberry gummy treats, and he loved them (recipes to come). Unfortunately, he was incredibly wired up on Sunday after eating them all weekend.

I don’t think it was a fructose reaction, though it might have been a little much for him salicylate-wise. He’s gotten very good at spotting when he has the Meanies, and he didn’t say anything about Meanies when we spoke. He said he was “banging bashing baddy”, which probably means something specific in 4 year old Jed-speak. I interpret that to mean he was having a plain old sugar rush from getting so much sweet stuff in one fell swoop!

So maybe next time I make him treats, we need to ration them a bit better.

As for me, though, I have to confess I’m sinking into a serious pit. Beyond wanting to de-ice, I realize now that I am absolutely running on fumes…and the fumes are almost gone.

After getting home from work last Monday, I spent Tuesday and Wednesday in a total lethargic slump. I got nothing accomplished those days. Nothing. I’m not sure if I even cleaned the kitchen. I simply didn’t have the energy.

Thursday I had to run around town with the boys all day at speech therapy and martial arts, and that night I fell asleep at – I kid you not – 7:00 p.m.

In the boys bed.

I woke about 1:00 a.m. and moved to my own bed, but the boys woke me up at 6:30 a.m. After quick scrambling some eggs for Zac and pouring some cereal for Jed, I passed out on the couch again until NOON.

Friday I slept like a normal person at night, but Saturday afternoon found me passed out on the couch again for three hours in the middle of the day.

I. Am. Exhausted.

And I think I’m getting a little depressed.

All the weird reactions and stomach bugs in our family have had me tied up in knots for the last two months.

Work is draining, and I’ve had to do far too much of it for far too long.

The house is a disaster and it feels like I will never, ever make any headway with getting it in shape.

Taxes are looming and I’m feeling stressed about trying to get all the paperwork together for that.

Our money situation has started to improve, and that’s a welcome relief…but then I remembered that our union and company are required to present us with a new contract proposal in July. If it is ratified, the merger my company began so long ago will finally integrate the flight attendants. Depending on the proposal and how the seniority lists go, it could be okay…or it could mean I have no option but to quit my job. Quitting my job would absolutely trash our finances beyond compare. We’d have to declare bankruptcy. So I’m still stressed about money.

A while ago, I said that it was clearly good for my mental health to write every day, whether I posted anything or not. Not writing is not good for me, and I’ve had no choice but to cut back on my writing these last two months.

Beyond writing providing some mental clarity, I have a couple of things I have wanted to write about for a LONG TIME that I think could actually be published. These project ideas of mine could not only potentially help lots of people, but could also earn some money for my family. And for over a year now, I have not been able to sit down and work on them.

The frustration is beyond description; I feel like I’m going to erupt. Especially in light of the fact that I look at my life and can see even the most mundane tasks slipping through my fingers like sand.

I feel like I’m stuck in a rut that I will never escape from, and it’s starting to grind me down.

So, I’m sorry I’m such a downer lately. For your sake as much as mine, I hope things change soon.

On the plus side, I have a couple of good recipes to share (when I get the chance to write them), and the boys do seem to be on the upswing from all the craziness that’s been going on with them lately.

So there are a few silver linings in my grey little world.

Spring just needs to come again. Soon.