photo courtesy of imagerymajestic at http://freedigitalphotos.net
I lost my voice on Tuesday night. At 6:00 p.m., I was chatting away on the phone, and by 10:00 p.m., I could hardly eke out a whisper. Don’t know why – my throat was sore and it felt like fire when I swallowed, but I didn’t have any other symptoms of sickness. I guess it’s just one of those things?
Parenting a toddler is…interesting when you can’t speak.
I can’t yell at him from another room. Instead, I must physically get up and move to where he is, touch him to indicate my presence, and get eye contact before trying to whisper whatever I need to tell him.
I can’t call out to him for meals. Instead, I either physically have to get him, or tap on the plate with the fork until he looks my way.
It’s made me acutely aware of how much I “yell at” my son.
It’s not that I always yell at him in a “you’re in trouble now, young man” sort of way, though there is a good deal of that (as we all know silence+toddler=trouble), but just a general way of how I deal with him. There’s a lot of raising my voice to get my point across.
When he’s being naughty now, I can’t do the loud “MR. CHARM MIDDLE NAME STOP RIGHT NOW” caution. I’ve instead been clapping my hands, making the “psst” sound until he looks at me, and then conveying my message with my facial expression and body language.
What’s funny is, it seems as though we both like it better when I’m not talking so much.
He seems to be acknowledging my presence easier and faster than he usually does, and he is minding a tad – just a tad – bit better.
I also can’t repeat myself. It hurts to talk too much, so when I say something, that’s it. I think that consistency and reduced room for negotiation is also increasing obedience; he’s not going to get away with ‘cuting’ or ‘grinning’ his way ‘out’ of anything by distraction or just by my giving him room to think of a way out of his predicament. He’s doing something bad, I say “Stop” one time, he doesn’t stop, and so he gets whatever the normal punishment would be (toy taken away, removed to another room, or single swat on heinie). Period. End of story.
And vice versa. I want him to do something, I say it once, he does it or doesn’t do it and consequences immediately follow. Easy peasy. No muss, no fuss. It’s so much less frustrating than constantly feeling ignored, for me, and it must be so much more clear and straight-forward for him, too.
I have the feeling there’s a strong parenting lesson in here for me. After all, who likes to be yelled at? And Mr. Charm being who he is (a rambunctious, curious, brave toddler) is often on the receiving end of admonitions. It has to get tiring. It has to get old. It has to eventually just turn into background noise. Wouldn’t it get that way for you?
So I’m thinking I should use my voice less and my physical presence more.
Boy, that’s going to be hard! You know, when I can speak again.
Have you ever noticed the way you speak to your kids and thought you could improve? Tell us what and how, if you please!
