When Mama Met The Geek

The only reason the Geek and I are not in one of those eHarmony commercials is because we both had our distance restriction set too low.

I was living in Houston (my hometown) and he was living where we now reside, and we both said we wanted people within 50 miles.

Silly us.

So, there we were, both on eHarmony, getting lots of matches but none that panned out, and finally both ventured on to the eHarmony message boards (which are free and open to anyone, not just eHarmony members).

I had never even seen message boards online before in my life, so it was a new experience for me.  I wandered around reading for a while (lurking, though I didn’t know the term yet) and suddenly saw a posting that really got my attention.  I thought “This person is in almost the exact same position as me!”

So I clicked on the profile and saw it was a person of the MALE variety, and of course, my interest was piqued.  I laughed a little at his profile: he was a GEEK!  A country-music-listening, Southern Baptist, D&D/WoW playing computer Geek.  (At the time, I was a “anything but country and rap” music, I’m-Methodist-and-Southern-Baptists-scare-me, night clubbing big city girl.)

Well, I always had a fondness for geeks, so I started clicking through to read other postings he had made, and after a short while realized that this Geek thought almost the exact same way as me about relationships and life!  Very exciting!

Except…he lived in another state.  I was not interested in the long-distance thing!

Still, I firmly believe that God sometimes pushes people together for a reason, even if for nothing more than a “Hang in there, sweetheart” word of encouragement.

So I sent him a message.  To paraphrase, I told him we were in a very similar situation, that he seemed like he had his head on straight and appeared to be a nice guy, and told him to hang in there – that I hoped he found someone good to be with very soon.  Then I said “BYE”.

I didn’t even hint  at wanting to speak to him again; no encouragement that this was the start of anything at all.  In fact, I didn’t want  to speak to him again – long distance and all that.

However, writing that message gave me some courage and I started posting my opinions on the message boards.  A few hours later, I decided I was done, turned off the computer and went to bed.

The next day I left for work.  When I returned home 5 days later, I saw an email from the Geek.  He basically said “thanks” for the encouragement, you seem nice, blah blah blah…I don’t know if I want a long distance relationship but friends are always a good thing to have…yada yada yada.  I’m reading this and thinking “Who said I wanted a relationship, bub?”

I clicked to my next email and it was from him, too, sent an hour after the first one: “I’ve read some of the things you’ve written and I really think we have a lot in common.  If you’d like to talk, here’s my number.”

Well, there you go.  I sent him a personal email: “I don’t call men.  If you want to talk with me, here’s my number.”

He called 5 minutes later.  That phone call lasted 8 hours.

We met in person a month later, having spent the better part of every waking moment since that first call on the phone.  Thank God, we both looked at each other and thought “S/He’s not a freak!”  After a day together, it was almost like we’d always been together.

I knew he was going to propose a month later, but some random events occurred that caused the proposal to be delayed to 2.5 months after we met in person.  (Thanks, Hurricane Ike!)  I said Yes, and we started talking Vegas, baby!

We eventually were talked into having a traditional wedding, so we didn’t get married until almost 7 months after that first phone call.

Today is our 4 year wedding anniversary.  I look at where we are in life now and am amazed that so much has happened in 4 years.  I’m amazed that this marriage, still technically a relatively new marriage, is so strong and solid; especially considering the lack of together time and the multitude of major stresses we’ve endured!

I lived a full life before I met my husband.  I had a career, I had lived in interesting places and traveled around the world, I owned my own house, had a 401K, friends, a social life and was very active in a charity organization.

But I look at the years before that fateful phone call and wonder WHAT I was doing with my life!  

In these last four years, I feel like I’ve finally “come into my own”, so to speak.  I feel more fully like the self I always was trying to become.

And a HUGE part of that is directly because of the Geek.  

He met me, he liked me, he accepted me exactly how I was, and quickly grew to love me.

Even today, I’ve never met anyone who truly “gets” me the way he does, nor have I ever met anyone who has never urged me to change something about myself.  (Parents don’t count!)

Because of his acceptance, and his willingness to accept me warts and all, I actually have  changed.  

I have become more patient, more responsible, more level-headed in my relationships, more open, and I was finally, finally  able to get over my fear of setting boundaries and telling someone when I was hurt.

I became a better person because of his love, because of him.  

I know I could never have made it through the last two and a half years of our boys medical issues without him; his utter nonchalant confidence in my ability to handle things, his absolute 100% committal to doing whatever it takes to keep the boys healthy, his easy prioritization of what matters and what doesn’t, and his enduring, unpressured patience with knowing that right now, he must let me give 85% or more of myself to the boys but that one day, they’ll be healthy enough that he can rise in the ranking again to being the bigger priority in my life…all have made it possible for me to grapple with the uncertainty of our medical world while having a steady rock to stand on.

He’s an amazing man, my husband.  I’m so happy, proud, and amazed that I’m married to the best person I know.  

Happy Anniversary, Babe.  I love you!