We Give Our Two Year Old Coffee

On Thanksgiving, Mr. Charm snuck into the kitchen, pulled the trash can over to the counter, used it to climb onto the counter, opened the cabinet and grabbed the multi-vitamin gummy chews we used to give him, closed the cabinet, climbed down, and brought the bottle to me.

What ensued is pure farce.  

(Me, reading the label to make sure I remembered correctly.) “Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry but this has sugar.  You can’t have these.”

“PIECE!!” Mr. Charm implored loudly.

I took the vitamins back to the kitchen and put them back on the top shelf (the no-man’s land of foods not currently safe in any of our diets) and he HOWLED in frustration.

“PIIEEECCCEEEE!!!!” he screamed.

I wracked my brain trying to think of anything resembling a treat that I could give to him.

I offered potato chips.  NO.

Nuts.  NO.

Dried rice spaghetti noodle.  (I know, but for some strange reason, he likes them!)  NO.

Finally I threw up my hands.  “Baby, I don’t know what to tell you.  I don’t have anything I can give you that you want.”

He sobbed for another minute or so while I decided to start cleaning the kitchen.  Suddenly I heard a noise from the refrigerator.  He had opened the freezer and grabbed the Geek’s bag of coffee beans.

Eureka!  

“Baby, do you want some coffee?” I asked him.

“Uh-huh!” he cheerily replied.

(A little backstory…)  

Some months ago, we grew tired of constantly battling Mr. Charm’s persistent attempts to drink the Geek’s coffee.  The Geek takes his coffee with our homemade creamer, which is heavy cream, milk, maple syrup and vanilla.  Delicious – but incredibly bad for our milk protein intolerant son.

So, in the age-old parental move we decided to ‘break’ him of the desire to have the coffee…by giving him coffee!

We’re a totally caffeine-free household, so it is decaf coffee.  We brewed up the strongest batch of coffee we could make, poured it black and added a couple ice cubes, then sat back in parental smugness to watch Mr. Charm screw up his face in disgust and never want another drink of coffee again.

As often happens with such brilliant schemes, it backfired.  Mr. Charm LOVED his black decaf coffee.  He chugged the whole cup and asked for more.

Well, we know when we’re beaten.  The child can’t have anything but water to drink, now; no juices, no more stevia-sweetened ice tea.  So, we let him have coffee as a treat no more than once or twice a day.

(Back to Thanksgiving…)

I poured some beans into the grinder, let Mr. Charm push the button, let him help me get the coffee-maker set up, and he was grinning and SO excited my heart was just breaking.

How bizarre is it to say to your two year old “No, you CANNOT have a vitamin.  But you CAN have coffee?”  In the past week, he’s begged for the following items that I’ve had to deny him: bananas, carrots, vitamins, and whole wheat bread.  It’s absurd and frustrating! What two year old WANTS to eat those things?  And then to be forced to deny them?!

As I poured some coffee into his sippy cup (we cut it 50% with plain water) I started thinking of anything ‘treat’-wise that I could make him with coffee.  Suddenly, I had it – Coffee Sorbet! 

Mr. Charm was happily sipping away at his coffee sippy cup, so I poured the rest of the coffee into a bowl, added 1.5 TBS of dextrose to dissolve, and put the bowl in the fridge to cool.

After it was cool, I got out our ice cream maker and got it set up.  I poured in the coffee and let ‘er rip!

In about 20 minutes, we had a nice iced coffee slushy sorbet-type treat for Mr. Charm.

I gave a sample to the Geek and his eyes about popped out of his head.  “Mr. Charm might like that, but ugh!  Bitter!”

So, I sprinkled some of his vanilla sugar on top of his bowl, and sprinkled a little bit more dextrose on top of Mr. Charms.

I wanted a ‘treat’, after all, not just an iced black coffee.

Mr. Charm liked it…sorta.  

He took his first bite and I asked him “Do you like it?”

“No.” he said.  “Uh-huh!” he finished.

Then he got another spoonful.  I honestly think it was the cold factor that was doing him in.  He’s not really sure what to make of ice yet, but once it was more melted and less icy?  He sucked. it. down.

So, I think that’s a dessert treat I can give him every now and then when he’s really craving a treat.

I think this would be AWESOME with milk or coconut milk, though, so I HOPE someone will try it that way and report back.  I’ll put the recipe I would make if I could down below; let me know if it is as delicious as I’d expect it to be!

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COFFEE SORBET (top 8 free, fructose free)

-brewed, cooled coffee
-3 TBS dextrose

1. Brew coffee.  Pour it into a bowl.
2. Add dextrose and stir to dissolve.  Let cool.
3. Pour into an ice cream maker and turn on.
4. Serve when it looks like a slushy.

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COFFEE SORBET (top 8 free)

-brewed, cooled coffee
-1 can coconut milk
-1-2 tsp. vanilla
-1/3 c. maple syrup
-1/4 c. cocoa powder (optional)

1. Brew coffee.  Let cool.
2. Pour coconut milk into a bowl.  Add vanilla, cocoa powder and maple syrup.  Stir.
3. Pour 1.5 cups of cooled coffee into the bowl.  Stir.
4. Pour the mix into an ice cream maker and turn it on.
5. Serve when it looks like ice cream!

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Do your kids want healthy, nutritious foods they can’t have?  Does it break your heart, too?  Do you give your kids foods or beverages that others would be surprised about?

This post has been shared with Whole Foods Wednesday, Real Food Wednesdays, Allergy Free Wednesdays, and Gluten Free Fridays.