Mama-Bear Versus the Snake Phobia

By nature, I’m not an especially fearful person.

I wasn’t at all scared to get married again after a painful divorce, I fly for a living, I’ve signed two mortgages, think public speaking is fun, and gave birth to a second child after Jed’s childbirth – a delivery that even makes OBGYN’s cringe.

But y’all, the one thing that I absolutely have an irrational phobia about is snakes. 

<shivers>

You’d think snakes would be easy to avoid in day to day life, right? But even when I was a city dweller, snakes popped up often enough to give me creepy-crawlies and nightmares on a regular basis.

Some damn fool advertisers think it’s OKAY to put snakes in TV commercials! And in print ads, too!

And some pet stores stupidly display their snakes for sale RIGHT ON THE CENTER FREAKING AISLE!

I know lots of people are going to comment that snakes aren’t so bad, snakes are very useful in the chain of life, blah blah blah.

Sure.

It’s a PHOBIA, people! There’s not a lot of rational thought behind it!

I see a snake, I  F R E A K  O U T.

Period. 

Those commercials would come on TV, blindsiding me in the safety of my own living room, and I would turn the TV off. FOR DAYS.

Flipping innocently through a magazine and suddenly staring at a picture of a snake? I’d throw the magazine across the room, and it would usually take me a good ten minutes of working up nerve to use kitchen tongs to throw it in the trash.

Going to the pet store to get more cat food and come face to face with a slithering, disgusting, evil snake? NEVER SHOPPING HERE AGAIN.

I know. It’s pathetic.

But it simply was; I dealt with it as best I could. AVOID SNAKES AT ALL COSTS.

Then I married Darrel.

And moved to the country.

Where there are LOTS of snakes.

<shivers>

Back when Jed was an infant, we still had a garage. One day I went to fetch some spray paint for a project I was doing. Right there, in my garage, was a snake!

It was at least 50 feet long (it was about 18 inches), and had venomous fangs the size of my head (it was a garden snake).

I couldn’t even scream. I just ran into the house, slammed the door behind me, LOCKED IT, grabbed Jed, and spent the rest of the afternoon on the couch.

With my feet up. 

When my Mom heard that story, it was almost impossible to hear the words she said in response through the choking laughter she was biting back.

Darrel, to his credit, didn’t bat an eye. When he got home, he just went out in the garage and spent a good ten minutes making sure it was “snake free”. (Love that man!)

I still didn’t go into the garage for days. 

Later on, Jed and I were sitting on a blanket under the tree in the backyard when I decided to clean up some pots for planting. (I have tried gardening before, but never with much success.)

When I moved the pots, a gigantic, gnarly snake came flying out at me! (This one really was about 2 1/2 feet long, and about 3 inches across. But it was still just a garden snake.)

Again, I couldn’t even scream. Just raced over, grabbed Jed, ran inside, locked the door, and spent the rest of the day on the couch with my feet up.

So sad.

But those experiences made me realize: as long as we live in the country, I’m going to have to deal with snakes. 

At the time, I only had one little boy, but I knew that one day we would have more children and that those children would want to play outside.

Playing outside means it is inevitable: one day, my children will encounter a snake.

And I, as their Mother, will have to keep them safe.

Which means that I will have to kill the snake. 

I’d been lucky to that point and only encountered fairly harmless garden snakes. But there are highly dangerous, venomous snakes in our area, and one day – I knew – my luck would run out.

So, with Darrel’s help, I’ve been undertaking a slow and steady self-devised “Mama has to get over this phobia to protect her babies” protocol the last few years.

When we went to a nature center, Darrel held my hand as we stood twenty foot away from cages filled with the typical snakes found in our area. We slowly moved closer to the cages.

One step, stand and wait until my heart stopped pounding and my ears stopped ringing, take another step, repeat.

Until we were only 3 feet away.

That’s as close as I’ve ever willingly come to a snake and not run panicked from the room!

When I see a photo of a snake, I make myself look at it for as long as I can handle.

When I see video of a snake, I make myself watch for as long as I can stand.

I’m getting better, y’all. 

Oh, snakes are still not my favorite creatures, and never, ever, ever will be. But I’d reached a point where I thought I could handle protecting my children from any dangerous snake they encountered.

That confidence is being tested now.

Why?

Because last week, in the 2 days I was at work and the kids were with my parents, they killed three – THREE – copperheads.

COPPERHEADS, y’all! That’s not a garden snake! That’s a highly dangerous, aggressive, nasty bit of snake!

All three of them were right around the edge of my parents pond.

The pond my boys LOVE to play at.

Lord, help!

My parents couldn’t do any farm work the whole time the kids were there, because the boys wanted to play outside and my parents had to stick to them like glue with weapons at the ready in case they encountered yet another copperhead.

And right here, I have to send out some massive, huge, amazing kudos to my Dad. If there is anyone on the planet who has a worse phobia about snakes than me, it is my Dad.

And he spent the entire two days with my kids, protecting them.

More than that, he’s been out there on the farm the last week, doing every “snake prevention” thing he can think of; putting himself in the path of a known dangerous snake, just to make sure the area is as safe as he can make it for my boys.

I’m in AWE.

Turns out, a little reading on the subject turned up that copperhead snakes favorite food is frogs. And since my parents think the sound of frogs at night is really cool, they’ve been encouraging the frogs around their pond.

(I wouldn’t have been so excited about the tadpoles if I knew what they were food for!)

Without realizing it, they were providing prime hunting grounds for copperheads.

They’re working on fixing that.

Mom read about some plants that are disagreeable to snakes, and she’s planting them around the pond everywhere she can.

And my Dad and I are doing our dead-level best to shove our phobia down as far as we can make it go so we can protect the kids.

Because one day, I’ll be there at the farm with the kids, and it might be ME that has to deal with a copperhead. 

<shivers>

You know what? I’ll do it.

I may have a short nervous breakdown after the fact, but I will do it.

Phobia’s can’t stand up to a Mama-Bear protecting her babies, after all. 

(But I don’t think I’m being too big a wimp for praying that day never comes.)

__________

What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever forced yourself to deal with for your kiddos?