Bald Heads and Gummy Smiles

My babies are bald.  And they have delicious gummy smiles.

Mr. Charm at about 7 and a half months old

Mr. Happy at about 6 and a half months old

I drink in the smell of Mr. Happy’s little bald head.  One day, in about six or seven more months, he’ll have enough hair that I won’t be able to kiss his sweet scalp.  I’ll be kissing peach fuzz, instead.

And I’ll miss his little, bald head.

One day he’ll have enough teeth that I won’t see his adorable, gummy smile.  And I’ll miss the way his little baby face grins with gums.

I’m trying to soak it all in; memorize every millisecond of his essential ‘baby-ness’, because I may never get to have it again.

I’d like more children.  Correction: I’d LOVE more children.

But the Geek and I are in a place right now where we just don’t know if we should have any more.  

There are lots of reasons.  Each of our children has cost us an exorbitant amount of money in their first few months on Earth in medical bills.  The FPIES, MPI, IgE allergies, and Fructose Malabsorption issues require HUGE amounts of effort to keep in check, in addition to that financial strain.

The Geek is 41 years old; I’m 35.  If we were to get pregnant right now, the Geek would still be 60 before our youngest was off to college.  Since we can’t get pregnant right now (too dangerous to risk my milk supply for Mr. Happy’s FPIES), he’ll probably be pushing retirement age before the youngest has flown the coop (if we wait until Mr. Happy weans to conceive).

My job is highly unstable right now.  We already don’t know what we would do with the permanent loss of my income; add another child to the mix – especially one with high medical bills and health issues (which is likely) – and we REALLY don’t know what we would do with the loss of my income.

So, for now, we are probably done.  For now.  We’re open to thinking about it again after Mr. Happy has self-weaned, whenever that is.

It breaks my heart, honestly.  If we are done, I’ll probably be sad about the lack of a third child for the rest of my life.  I’ll be angry that food is the reason I can’t have more children.

So, for now, I drink Mr. Happy in.  I revel in his babbles, his gummy grins, his absolute baby adorableness in every thing he does.

I don’t want to blink.  Baby-hood goes by SO FAST.  I don’t want to miss a thing.

It might be all I ever get.

Have your kiddos’ health issues put the kibosh on any future children you were planning to have?  Does it break your heart, too?

 

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2 Responses to Bald Heads and Gummy Smiles

  1. melissa says:

    my heart breaks for you…and being in the medical field I know where you are coming from. As a mom I understand from a different point of view..due to infertility it took us 12 years to conceive with 2 possible misscarriages thrown in the mix…….having chaz at 32 years old…him being premature and knowing that often having one premie sometimes leads to more premature deliveries I was unsure … I wanted more…husband was fearful …and difficulty conceiving needing fertility treatments and not wanting multiples..left us at only one child…..but I cherish the one we have …just do what is right for you and your kids..cherish them always …and yes it broke my heart

    • Mama says:

      Oh, Melissa, Bless your heart! Infertility is such a hard road to travel. Thank God you got Chaz! Yes, I cherish my boys. Even when they’re being stinkers! 🙂 Thanks for sharing your story. It is so heartbreaking to not have *all* the children you would like to have. Hugs, Mama!

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